The workings of the Spirit in our lives are not always fast.
They do not seem to come neatly wrapped in a taped, tied box. Much of this
perceived slowness is our own doing. A tree in the shade grows more slowly than
one with all the light it can use. We can trim that shade, give the tree room
to grow. The same is true in our lives. We make time for the things we think
are important. By trimming the shade cast by our over-filled lives, shade that
interferes with our spiritual growth, amazing things are possible.
There is something in our makeup that encourages us to see
reasons why something can’t be, and certainly it’s important to think about
obstacles, no matter what you’ve a mind to do. How often are we like Moses protesting
that he’s not articulate, the people will never believe him, yet as Friends
say, “way opens.” Too often we fail to switch gears to seek conditions
essential to success or see what’s right in front of us. Have you ever stood in
front of the refrigerator and said “honey, I don’t see it?” only to have your
other come and say “It’s right here.”
Much of our world today deemphasizes the importance of
Spirit in our lives. We are masters of our own destiny, we’re told. Happiness
can be purchased at the nearest store. We cannot serve two masters, we’re told.
Happiness isn’t at the store. It’s all around us, manifested in the way we
choose to live our lives. This much I learned through listening, attention, and
worship.
One of the things that I most appreciate about Quakerism is
the teaching that God is available to us, always. If we are faithful and
attentive, the lessons and opportunities for learning are endless. I read. I
participated in study groups. In order for the process to go deeper, I needed
more structure, direction, and guidance than I mustered on my own.
The meeting bulletin had a notice in it: ESR Traveling
Ministries. Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Arch St. Meetinghouse. Arch Street
is most of four hours from home. On a busy Saturday. I attended. I came away
feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, enlightened, informed, and ready to take on the
world (so to speak). I also felt “gee, I’d like to learn more about that.” Over
the next few years, I attended several other Traveling Ministries programs at
Arch Street. I always felt energized and wanted to know more. Without
structure, resources, and deadlines, follow-up was scant. Still, the desire to
know more was there.
I helped the Baltimore Yearly Meeting Ministry &
Pastoral Care Committee organize a Traveling Ministries program near DC. The
desire had grown to a nudging. The voice told me “this is something you need to
pursue.” My logical brain told me the idea of formal schooling in matters of
the Spirit was nuts. I had an hourly job that paid poorly, gave one week of
vacation a year, and left me exhausted at the end of the day. Unprogramed
meetings don’t have pastors: all worshipers are ministers. I didn’t want to be
a pastor. ESR was most of an eight hour drive from home. It sounds a little
like Moses.
That August, ESR had an inquirer’s weekend. The leadership
conference was that weekend; its topic: "What is Quaker Leadership?," a
particular interest of mine. I had quit the hourly job. People started calling
me to do tree trimming and forestry work. That’s what I did before I had to
take the hourly job. Way truly opened. Judy & I attended the open house and
conference. We left knowing that I needed to take classes at ESR. We still
weren’t sure how that was going to happen. Distance learning was scary. I’m no
technophile. It’s been thirty years since I was at school as a student. Perhaps
I’ve forgotten how to learn. Where’s the time for study? The Moses in me took
over: no way this’ll work. Still, I met with a committee for clearness. The
importance of faithfully following the leading and, the nudging reasserted themselves.
I enrolled and signed up for Old Testament History and Literature as an
occasional Access student. I found myself amongst others who hungered for
understanding of God and ways to live into Jesus’ promises. The class fed me in
ways I didn’t know were possible. It was exciting. The doors and windows of my
experienced faith were thrown open. Twenty years of vocal ministry was affirmed
and deepened. Friends in my home meeting (State College PA) commented on the
spring in my step, the new liveliness and joy that infused my person and spoken
ministry. “Well,” I said to my Moses, “the obstacles raised were straw giants.
This is good.” “Not so fast,” said Moses, “What about intensives? Two weeks off
work when self-employed means two weeks without pay. No work, no pay. You know
that. Then there’s two weeks away from your wife and lover, Judy. Hmmm? How’s
that going to work?” I registered for a writing class.
Way opened. I rediscovered my love of writing. (The product
of that class, “Pigs,” is posted on the blog www.martinstrees.wordpress.com
) We juggled the bills. They got paid. I made friends among the other access
and residential students. While I missed my family, the two weeks zoomed by.
Back home, I updated my clearness (now support, also) committee. They sensed my
energy and excitement about my learning and work at ESR. “Should I become a
degree-seeking student,” I queried. We sat with it. They queried me back. I
wanted to be sure I was in it for the long haul, and for the right reasons. No
reasons not to become degree-seeking
surfaced. Neither did clearness to proceed.
The following spring I took Spiritual Formation and Public
Ministry. The online class is largely about being a pastor. Not, I thought,
where this unprogramed Friend is headed. I mentioned in discussion on the class
forum, the dream of writing as a way to ease popular misunderstanding of
loggers and their work. An invitation to give a sermon on the theology of a
Quaker logger was proffered. At first I declined. How can an unprogramed Friend
deliver a prepared message in the Spirit in which it was given? Moses reminded
me that I had no plans to be a preacher, pastor, or any such thing. Ah, said
Spirit, “You are here to enlarge your understanding of My ways. This is an
opportunity to try a new type of ministry.” I accepted. Friends welcomed
Spirit’s offering, given through me.
The 3 spiritual formation classes required substantial
reflection. I had recognized that the structure ESR provided in the form of
focused classes and deadlines was helpful to me. When I took the third class, Discernment
of Gifts & Call for Ministry, one of the personality profile tools
indicated that having goals is good for my type of character. Changing my
status from occasional to degree-seeking serves that purpose. As an additional
part of that class, we were required to convene a committee for clearness. That
was done. There were no reasons against becoming degree-seeking, and a strong
one for it.
This is far from the end of the story. It is only a
milepost. There will be more to tell.
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